Welcome to this World!

Our sweet little girl Lily Isabella, joined our family on April 15th 2010, at 9:58 am, weighing 7lbs 8.8oz and measuring 21 inches long (though that's debatable, since she was only 19 inches at her first dr appt and they measured her twice to be sure!) Birth story to come later!

It's been a while!

I can't believe how long it's been since I have actually blogged! I guess you all know by now that we are pregnant! I'm going on 12 weeks with a due date of April 21, 2010! We are going in for our NT scan this coming Tuesday to check for neural tube defects and downs and I'm praying that things look good. We have had three ultrasounds so far and they have all been great, the baby is measuring right on schedule and is cute as a button!

I have had a lot of morning sickness and have been really tired this time, so it's been trying. Matt has been so helpful and bless his heart he has done more laundry and dishes in the past 12 weeks then he has the entire 8 years we have been married lol. I don't know what I would do if he didn't help out as much as he has.

The kids are excited, Chloe of course wants a girl, and Spencer wants a boy. I don't want to know, I want this one to be a suprise. For all we went through just to get pregnant, two years of fertility treatments, two miscarriages, seizures, etc. I would like to have a little suprise at the end of this adventure! Matt wants to know, but I think I'm wearing him down haha.

My mother in law and sister in law and two nieces are coming to visit this weekend and then next weekend Matt's best friend and his wife and little girl are coming to visit plus this tomorrow one of Matt's co-workers are going on vacation so we are going to take care of his dog for him while he is gone (the kids are excited about that lol) so we are going to have a busy, busy week! I have SO much cleaning to do, especially since I have really been lacking in that department lately!

Update on this go round

Well I got to do my trigger shot on Thursday June 25, and I actually gave it to myself! I was proud haha. So that made me ovulate yesterday and now I am waiting to test. I have to wait two weeks which is going to be a tough wait. It always is though. I had three follicles so that means I possibly released three eggs. Matt is nervous we will end up with twins but I would be suprised. I cant even get and stay pregnant with one. So cross your fingers and say a prayer that it works this time.

We are preparing to leave for Ky on July 5th. Matt has vacation for that week and we are going to have Chloe's b-day party down there with family. Maybe Matt and I will get to go out on a date! It stinks being so far away from anyone becuase we NEVER get to out alone just the two of us. Not that I'm complaining or anything, I love the kids being with us, I hate being away from them. But it would be nice to have time just to be with Matt and do grown up things once in a while. Maybe when the kids grow up and move out haha.

Ultrasound today!

I had my HSG done this past friday and it was normal, my uterus and fallopian tubes were clear and open, and then I had an ultrasound to check my follicles today. I had three good size ones ..one was 14 one was 15 and one was 16. Then I had ten other small ones on my right ovary and 15 small ones on my left ovary, but they probably wont release eggs becuase they are really little. They want them to be 20 before you trigger, so in the next day or so Matt gets to give me a shot to make me ovulate. I have been so moody from the meds, I think he maybe secretly looking forward to getting to stab me with a needle on purpose haha.

The HSG was not as painful as I had imagined it would be. It was uncomfortable but not really painful. So YAY we are on our way now! Hopefully it works this round and we get a march baby! (although when we started trying, i wanted an april baby lol)

Lately...

Things seem to be looking up! I haven't had any more seizures since I started the meds, so that is awsome! I did have another EEG done a few months ago and it still showed abnormal spike waves in my left temporal lobe which they defined as 'Seizure Activity' so he would not lower my dosage of meds. Oh well, at least they are working for me and I haven't had anymore.

Matt and I started seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist or RE for short. I was really dissapointed with my ob/gyn after my last miscarriage, he was really not aware that I actually had feelings, and so I fired him. I really like the new dr. he seems to be pretty confident that he can get me and keep me pregnant. Matt and I both had to have a bunch of blood work done, really it was just pre-conception testing, I'm not really sure why he did it since I have had two kids already, but he did and they all came back fine. Well other then my glucose test. My fasting glucose was normal, but the one hour check and the two hour check were a little on the high side. I'm not sure what we are doing about that at this point. I guess he will tell me when we go back in. I start clomid again this sunday for five days, then next week I have to go in for an HSG, to make sure my fallopian tubes are open, and an ultrasound to check my ovaries. I will TRY and keep you all updated on how things go...not even sure how many people actually even read this lol.

Chloe is getting ready to lose her very first baby tooth! I can't belive it, my baby is growing up so fast. She will be 5 years old next month! I just can't wrap my head around that! I love watching her and Spencer interact, they are so good with each other. Chloe gets her feelings hurt so easily though, I guess she gets that from me.

We have my little sister for a month or so over the summer which I'm loving. I never get to see her since we moved up here so I'm glad to get to spend some time with her. The kids are really enjoying her being here too. Although I think Gabby may be getting pretty bored :P

Matt's work schedule is awsome this month, he is working almost all 8 hour shifts! I CAN NOT tell you how fabulous that has been. Of course his 8 hours are right smack in the middle of the day, but he is able to get more rest and that is making him feel better.

We just got done with VBS this week and it was so much fun! The kids had a really good time, Chloe got out of the van today and said 'mommy repeat after me' and quoted a Phillipians verse they have been doing this week! I was so proud! I was lucky enough to get to teach part of the pre-school class, It was SUCH a wonderful experience! Their little smiling faces so eager to learn and belive, it was just amazing. Of course I got sick in the middle of the week and missed two out of five days. Luckily Matt's work schedule allowed him to cover for me. I still feel yucky though. We went to Ky the weekend before VBS and I got an awful sunburn when me and mom took the kids swimming, so I started the week off with that and then ended up sick the rest of the week. Yesterday I was barely able to eat anything, so sick to my stomach. Today has been a little better, i wasn't able to eat until late in the day, like after 3 but it didn't make me sick like yesterday. My throat is hurting and my nose is runny and I'm completly exhausted but I think I'm getting over it. Hopefully.

Well, I guess that's all the update I have for now, I'm ready for bed, but gosh it's not even close to bedtime yet. Guess that means MOVIE TIME FOR THE KIDS!!! haha

Yes, No, Maybe, I don't know...Can you repeat the question??

I never imagined that having pets would create such headache when we need to travel. Matt has drill this weekend and my parents were going to keep the dogs for us so that we could get a hotel (no pets allowed) and spend the weekend swimming while matt is at drill. Well my mom called tonight and because of some things they have going on, they can't keep the dogs for us. We have to leave in the morning as soon as matt gets home which is usually around 6am! How am I supposed to re-arrange plans in that amount of time? I dont know what we are going to do, I suppose that me and the kids will have to stay home, which really irritates me because I was really looking forward to the trip. The kids are packed and they are going to be upset that they dont get to go swimming after all. Uggh, what do most people who have pets, do when they have to go away? Cats are easy, they dont have to go outside but dogs are so complicated. I hate to put them in a kennel but Geez, what am I supposed to do?

Well I'm done ranting, Just needed to blow off some steam.

Sweet Memories....

.....are leaving me quickly. Not sure if it's the seizures or the seizure meds, but I actually argued with my husband that Chloe never took ballet. He had to show me pictures of her in her tutu in the ballet studio (THAT I TOOK AND SENT TO HIM!) for me to realize I was wrong!

I am the one who drove her there every week and paid for the classes, and went shopping for her ballet outfit and tights and shoes and everything. How does someone just forget something like that? It wasn't that long ago, last fall I think.

I'm forgetting other things as well, conversations, appointments, etc. This is getting out of hand!

How long must I suffer?

Well I thought I was over it, but all of a sudden I have been thinking about the baby we might have had. We watched Hellboy the other night and the girl in the movie found out she was pregnant (of course) and so then I was upset the rest of the night because it made me think of things I didn't want to think about. So I went to bed that night and cried myself to sleep.

Then tonight I e-mailed a cousin of mine who is expecting and I started thinking about the fact that she was only a few weeks ahead of me and she is getting her u/s to find out the sex. Which made me realize that if I were still pregnant I would start my 2nd trimester this saturday. That's far enough along to find out if we should start buying pink or blue. I know it happened for a reason... but wow, it still feels like a knife in my heart. How could I not think about it for so long and now after weeks of pushing it away, It breaks me?

I have been sitting here crying all over my computer and I thought maybe I would feel better if I typed it all out. So far it's only made me feel worse. I guess it will be another long night of crying into my pillow until I fall asleep exhausted and empty.

If you pray, please say one for me.

I know there are people in this world who are far worse off then me and I hurt for them, and I am so thankful for the children that I have, but it still doesn't lessen the pain I'm feeling.

When it rains it pours I guess...

Most of you know what has been going on with us, but for those of you who don't here is a quick update. End of november, first of december sometime, found out we were pregnant (after trying over a year and seeing a fertility specialist and doing medications for some hormonal issues I was having) less then a week later, we found out my HCG wasn't rising like it was supposed to and to expect a loss. No reason why, he said these things just happen and are pretty common in early pregnancy. About a week after that the miscarriage started, right before my sons 8th b-day. Dealt with all the emotional stuff that month and was under a lot of stress from it. Decided to continue with our fertility meds because it had taken so long to get pregnant at all I didn't figure it would happen again for a while anyway.

First of January, I woke Matt up around 1 am or so having a grand mal seizure in my sleep. He tried to wake me out of it, shaking me and yelling at me but I couldn't understand what he was saying and I would just slip back into unconciousness. I think that made things worse, because I couldnt' even tell them in the ER what my name was or what year it was. As you can imagine, it was very scary, for myself and Matt. I had clawed strips of skin off my arm and bitten my tounge pretty bad, plus I was very out of it for a while, just couldn't seem to 'wake-up' completly. Had tons of tests, including but not limited to, two IV's, EEG, EKG, MRI, CT scan, X-Ray, blood work every four hours. Not much fun, my arms were black and blue and hurt for a week. When they did the bloodwork they discovered that I was pregnant, again, which was a suprise to me as we had had so much trouble trying to get pregnant. They told me that the seizure may have been caused by the increased estrogen from pregnancy plus the clomid I had been taking is an estrogen inducer so I had a large amount of estrogen in my blood anyway.

They let me go home and about two weeks later I miscarried again. I decided that I didnt' have it in me to continue on the fertility drugs. Then on Feb 1'st I was sleeping and woke up suddenly not really sure what was going on but I didn't feel right. I got up and walked around, I noticed that I had scratches on my arm and so then I started to worry. I called matt at work and told him I thought I may have had another seizure. So he called my neurologist and had the answering service call him. The dr. said that I should go to the ER but if I would rather wait, he would get me in the office that morning when the office opened. I decided that I would wait and go in the morning to the office. I thought 'what are the chances It will happen again' so I laid down on the couch and became very drowsey, very quickly and fell asleep. Less then an hour later, I woke up suddenly again and this time I noticed that my tounge hurt, I was having a hard time with my speech and I was really weak and off balance and couldn't hardly walk without holding on to the wall. I called matt and he said he was coming home to take me to the er, that we weren't waiting for the office to open.

When I got there they got my IV started and left me waiting in the cubicle for the dr. Matt had to take his work phone in and give report so I told him to go and then come back. I don't think he wanted to but he finally did. I think I asked him to turn the light off when he was leaving so I could go back to sleep because I was getting really sleepy again and the light was bugging me. The next thing I remember was waking up, in a different room and matt was there and it was daylight. Matt said while he was gone, the nurse had came in my room to get vitals or something and tried to wake me up, she said I opened my eyes and looked at her, then my eyes rolled up in my head and I started convulsing. So they gave me a huge dose of some anti-convulsent and I am not sure what they did after that.

So that makes four grand mal seizures all together and three in that one night. My hospital stay that time was un-eventful, they didn't even run many tests, just bloodwork. They wrote me a script for anti-seizure drugs and sent me home. Told me that I couldn't drive until I had been seizure free for six months. I already had a neuro appt for march 13th and they told me to just keep that one.

I had some bloodwork done either after the first seizure or after the last ones (can't remember when) at my family dr. and one of my thyroid tests (TSH I think) had come back too low (i think?) and my vitamin D-3 was severly low. So i had to start taking armour thyroid for my thyroid issues and 10,000 mg of D-3 everyday. So now I'm taking so much medication I have to set an alarm on my phone to remind me to take them.

It's been a load of fun as you can imagine and stressful, the drugs make me so irritable and so tired all I want to do is sleep and yell. I can't drive so matt is having to do all the errands on his one day off a week which really sucks for him. I feel terrible and we have no one around here to help us out so he is exhausted, and stressed and it's my fault and I can't do anything about it. I go to see the neurologist on march 13th and I'm hoping that he will have some ideas of what is causing the seizures. Since I started taking the drugs, I haven't had any seizures, so maybe he will let me lower my dose and see how I do. I am hoping it may have just been a reaction I had to the fertility drugs. That would solve the problem all together, but I'm sure it wont be that simple.

I'm trying so hard to stay positive about it all, 'it wasn't the right time to have a baby', 'God was sending me a message that I needed to chill out and let it happen when it's supposed to', but I have to say, I have had some pretty bad days.

I'm so thankful for what I have. I am so blessed, and I know there is a lesson to learn from all of this but still, it's a lot to deal with all at once.

anway, if you made it this far, you must be really bored by now! I need to post more often.

and I want to send a special 'THANK YOU!' to my wonderful sister in law who changed all the baby stuff on my blog after my miscarriage so that I didn't have to :) I appreciate you so much T!

It's Been a while

I'm not really sure why I haven't written in so long, I guess life has been sort of crazy around here lately.

Matt and I recently discovered that we were pregnant, only to find out after I had my bloodwork done, that I was going to have a miscarriage. It was a lot harder to cope with then I ever expected it to be. But each day the ache in my heart gets a little easier to bear. Life goes on. Things don't always happen the way we expect them to, or even the way we want them to, but there is always a reason in God's great plan, and I am no one to question his reasons.

Today is Spencer's 8th birthday! I can't even belive he is 8 years old. It just doesn't seem right! I can't belive how fast they are growing up...life is like a vapor, it's gone before you know it. We are headed to KY tomorrow morning for christmas, and Spencer's b-day party.

It should be a fun weekend...Matt and I got a hotel for his birthday so we will get a night to just be together. We haven't been able to go out ANYWHERE without the kids since we moved here last december. I love my kids and never want to be away from them, but I miss my husband! It will be nice, to have his undivided attention for a whole night! I can't wait!!

Picture of the front of our new home

I put the photos on the bottom of my blog with the other photos, just scroll down :) If you still can't see them let me know. I couldn't figure out how to put them in a post, so I just added them as a gadget and it took FOREVER :P

New Photos

I posted some photos. The squirell is a friendly little critter and she keeps coming up on the porch every other day or so for some macadamia nuts lol. I think i may be spoiling her, as you can see she looks very full and relaxed haha. that tree limb is right by our deck so I was able to get really close to her without her running away. We also found a nest of baby rabbits in front in the flowers around our tree. Chloe was watering them and all of a sudden four little tiny bunnies darted in every direction! That was really neat.

Finally Home

Well we got moved in this past weekend so we have been super busy, my SIL and BIL came up to help us move and I dont know what we would have done without them! It would have taken us so much longer without their help. We are turning the apt. over today. I will try to find my camera cord so that I can post some pics...hopefully later today.

Adoption.....

Is something Matt and I have always talked about doing and we knew one day we would try to. Lately both our hearts have been pulled in that direction. I don't want to adopt a baby but an older child maybe Spencer's age. Babies are the most sought after and I have no fear that they wont find homes. I feel like my heart is in China. I want to adopt a little girl. This is something that we want to do so badly, open our hearts and our home to a child in need. But..... in doing research on it, we meet all the requirements to adopt a child from china ...except age. You have to be between the ages of 30-50 to adopt from there. They have such strict regulations and it makes me so very sad. With the disasters over there recently and all the orphaned children I hope that they become more lienient on the matter of age. I guess if not, in four more years we may do it when I turn 30, but for now it's just a dream I wanted to share.....